


Yes, Noah, There is a Santa Claus

by motherbearof3



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: A little angst, Christmas, F/M, Happy Ending, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21995428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherbearof3/pseuds/motherbearof3
Summary: Noah asks Santa for something special for Christmas and his mother has no idea what it is.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 18
Kudos: 102





	Yes, Noah, There is a Santa Claus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [untapdtreasure](https://archiveofourown.org/users/untapdtreasure/gifts).



> This was written for thebarsondaily 2019 Secret Santa as a gift to Untapdtreasure. In my usual fashion, I was woefully behind in meeting the deadline, for which I can only say mea culpa. But I hope the story makes up for it. I smiled with nearly every word. It could have been so, so, so much longer and maybe in July I’ll add to it. I swear I’m writing next years in May!

“Mom?” 

“Yes, Noah?” Olivia asked absently. 

It was the Sunday after Thanksgiving and the SVU Captain was enjoying the last day of her four day weekend, grateful nothing had happened over the holiday that warranted her squad calling her. Dinner was in the oven, laundry had been finished, folded and put away, and she was trying to finish the book she started on Friday. It was the first long weekend they’d had in a long time with no interruptions.

“Those red mailboxes we saw in the store. Do the letters kids put in them actually get to Santa?”

She and Noah had braved the stores for some Black Friday shopping and she had to stop for a moment, taking her focus off the page in front of her and think about what he was asking.

“Mailboxes? Oh, in Macy’s you mean?”

He nodded. Her son had turned seven less than two weeks before and she wondered if he was trying to ask whether Santa was real or if he wanted to send a letter to the Jolly Old Elf.

“Why? Did you want to write one?”

He nodded again.

“Yeah, but I want to make sure it actually gets to him,” Noah explained and she breathed a quiet sigh of relief. 

He was too young to stop believing in the magic of Christmas. Fortunately, she had been able to get him just about everything he’d asked Santa for since he started writing letters. Last year and the year before he asked for a puppy and Santa had to reply explaining how their apartment and his mom’s work schedule didn’t really make for a good time for them to have a dog, but promised he could play with Frannie whenever he wanted; the promise made with Amanda’s blessing.

“Why don’t you write your letter and I’ll find out about the Macy’s mailboxes. Otherwise, I can get the address for you,” Olivia suggested.

“How can you get Santa’s address?” Noah’s blue eyes narrowed.

“I may be Captain now, but I’m still a detective, remember?” She winked at him.

“Oh, yeah! Can I have some paper?”

“May I?” His mother corrected and pointed toward the computer printer on the shelf. “You can use that.”

Noah got up and took several sheets of paper and settled at the coffee table with a pencil. Olivia returned to her book and his letter was forgotten until he asked for an envelope after dinner. She got him one, helped him fold the pages and put it on the refrigerator until the Macy’s mailbox was verified or she tracked down Santa’s address. He didn’t have school the next day and so she was running behind, having allowed herself the luxury of a couple extra minutes in bed. 

“Don’t forget my letter,” her son reminded her as she pulled on her winter coat by the door.

Olivia spun on her heel and walked back to the kitchen reaching for the envelope. It was held in place by a magnet with a photo of a bird flying across an intersection with the words “Is it still jaywalking if you fly?” 

She paused, and for a moment was transported back to that day two years ago when her family not by blood but by choice had come to the apartment in the days after Noah’s kidnapping by his grandmother, Sheila Porter. Carisi, Amanda and Jesse had shown up first, with casseroles of homemade food from Sonny’s mother and cookies and cannoli from his favorite bakery. Fin was next, with a large box of Legos that the kids dove into while the adults opened a bottle of wine. The last knock at her door was the one she’d secretly most hoped for and when she opened it to see Rafael Barba standing there, her heart skipped a beat. 

Olivia always thought nothing was more attractive than him in one of his coordinated suit, tie and suspenders combinations but to see him on her threshold in dark jeans, a casual pullover shirt and wool coat, asking how she was with a look of concerned sincerity made her want to throw herself into his arms and feel them around her again like she had in her office. Time stood still as they spoke and drank each other in and he finally had to prompt her to let him enter the apartment. That was when Noah told him about the deer that crossed the road in front of the on the way home from New Hampshire and he made the silly dad joke about how in New York he’d be arrested for jaywalking that made Noah laugh. That was the first thing that the then ADA did that day that surprised her. The other was that he knelt down at the table and immediately began to play with the children. At one point he’d glanced up at her and caught her watching, her expression soft. Before she could allow herself to think about where Barba was or what he was doing now, her son broke the moment.

“Mom? Did you hear me?”

Pulling the envelope free, Olivia turned to face Noah.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, what did you say?”

“I said, it’s snowing!”

She glanced at the window and frowned. Just what she needed when she was already running late. Then she moved to kiss the top of Noah’s curls.

“Be good for Lucy today. I love you.”

“Love you too. And I’m always good.”

He gave her a lopsided smile that was so familiar to the one she used to get from the former ADA who left her standing outside the courthouse that her breath caught. Shaking her head to rid it of any more thoughts of the man, she tightened her belt and left the apartment. It wasn’t snowing, Olivia discovered when she got out of the building, but sleeting. Fine pellets of ice that stung against her face. Punishment for allowing herself to think about Barba, she thought wryly, and pulled her collar higher, falling in with the crowds on the sidewalk. She’d trained herself not to think about him; or at least to only think about him when she chose to and could control her emotions. But lately everywhere she turned there were reminders. When they were decorating for Carisi’s party to celebrate his move to the DA’s office, the bartender had been playing a black and white western. The outfit Noah chose to wear to Billie’s christening included suspenders. And now the jaywalking magnet.

Olivia was surprised when, after writing his letter to Santa, Noah announced he wanted to see him as well.

“I just want to make sure he got my letter and understood what I told him,” the boy said.

She tried to assure him that Santa got his letter and that of course he understood, but there was no dissuading the boy. If she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought he’d been taking lessons in courtroom arguments from Rafael Barba. He parried back at every statement she presented to him, and was accepting none of it. He needed to talk to Santa in person. 

That was how Olivia found herself standing in line at Macy’s one evening after work in December. For some reason she thought the crowds would be smaller than on the weekend. She was wrong. She was reminded of the scene in “A Christmas Story” when Ralphie and his brother arrive to see Santa and are told the line starts “back there”, because the man in the red suit wasn’t even in sight when they took their place in the lane of candy cane striped poles, between which were strung ropes of sparkling tinsel. As they made their way slowly through the serpentine, Noah was content to take in the festive surroundings and try and figure which fairy tale each tree was decorated to represent. This freed his mother up to check her personal email, deleting numerous ads for holiday sales, cookie recipes and DIY decorating tips. She paused when she saw the one from Noah’s teacher.

“Noah, why did Ms. Tatum send me an email?”

He was standing on one foot, arms over his head, imitating the pirouette of one of the ballerinas on the Nutcracker tree. 

“Probably because I told her I was bored at school,” he replied nonchalantly, raising up on the toe of his high tops and attempting to spin around; the rubber sole on the thin carpeted walkway preventing him from being successful.

“Bored? Since when? I thought you liked school?”

Noah shrugged, and took a step forward as the line moved, reassumed his position and tried again and was again foiled by his footwear.

“Stupid sneakers. If I had my dance shoes on, I could do it,” he muttered.

“Don’t say stupid, honey, and answer my question,” Olivia told him. 

“I don’t know.” He shrugged again and she bit her lip to keep from telling him not to shrug. “It’s all easy. I get bored when Ms. Tatum has to stop and help someone else because I’ve already finished my work.”

“It’s her job to make sure everyone learns the lesson.”

“I know, so I just read or draw a picture or something. I’m not disruptive, Mom,” Noah said with a hint of disdain and slight eye roll and again she felt the ghost of a former ADA in the room.

“You’re next,” she said, deciding to see what the teacher had to say while he spoke to Santa.

Not surprisingly, the email echoed what Noah had said. His teacher asked Olivia to let her know when she had time to meet to discuss some options, because she didn’t want the boy to lose his passion for learning. The SVU Captain liked the young woman and was glad to see she had picked up on the issue and was bringing it to her attention. She replied with a few days and times and looked up to see if Noah had finished. He was still sitting on the lap of the man in the red suit and speaking intently, as if making sure he got his point across. Olivia walked up to the pair.

“Noah, there are other children who want to talk to Santa. I think your turn is up,” she said with a smile.

“It’s all right, officer,” Santa told her, spotting her badge. “Noah and I were just finishing up.”

“My mom is the Captain,” Noah informed him proudly. “But she’s still a detective.”

Santa, who sported his own whiskers, grinned from behind them and his eyes twinkled at her. They were blue, but reminded her a lot of a pair of green ones the way they lit up with amusement.

“Is she now? Well that’s an important job and I’m sure your mom works hard,” he told the boy. “You need to be an extra good boy for her.”

“He’s always good,” Olivia assured Santa, holding her hand out. “Come on, Noah, let’s go.”

“Noah, go get your treat from one of my elves. I want to ask your mom what she wants for Christmas.”

The boy hopped off his lap and went obediently a few yards away where he could choose from a pile of small wrapped packages that were being watched over by pointed eared elves wearing curled toed shoes.

“Noah was telling me he’s bored at school and that’s a terrible thing for a child at his age. He seems extremely bright,” the man said when the child was out of earshot.

Olivia nodded.

“He is. I’ve just gotten a letter from his teacher wanting to talk about it.”

“Santa has a lot of friends in education, as you can imagine, working with so many children. There’s a wonderful charter school run by a friend of mine.”

He reached into the pocket of his red trousers and pulled out a card.

“Maybe go visit it first without Noah and see what you think.”

The woman took it from his white gloved fingers with another nod.

“Thank you. I’ve been wondering if a charter school might be a good option for him.”

Olivia turned to leave.

“And Captain?”

She turned back.

“I hope you and your brother are able to mend fences for the holidays.”

Shocked and confused, Olivia simply nodded and walked to Noah as the next child approached Santa. Her brother? What had Noah told the man? When Simon died, she told Noah about it only because he had met his uncle. Of course, she hadn’t explained that the man overdosed, but simply that he had an accident. Maybe someday she would explain more. She was still working out her own guilt that her phone message had pushed the former addict to seek solace in drugs again and resulted in his death. Beside her, Noah was telling her about the coloring book and crayons he’d opened and asking if he could eat the candy cane that had been attached to the package. 

Later that night, once Noah was in bed, Olivia called Amanda Rollins. At work, the two women maintained their commanding officer/detective relationship, but outside, they had become fast friends and spoke often about everything non-SVU related, including parenting and their relationships. Although those conversations were mostly one-sided, with Amanda sometimes complaining, but often telling her about the sweet things that Sonny Carisi did. Olivia was never surprised; she knew the new ADA had a romantic streak a mile wide. Tonight, she filled her friend in on the visit with Santa.

“So you have no idea what he said or what he wants?” Amanda asked.

“Not a clue.”

“Didn’t you read the letter before you put it in the mailbox at the store?”

“No, dammit. I took it after he wrote it and then made the mistake of admitting I hadn’t dropped it off, so then we had to actually mail it,” she explained.

“Rookie mistake, Liv,” Amanda laughed. “Always read the letter.”

“I know. I usually do. But this year he wrote it himself without any help and sealed it up. Maybe he didn’t want me to see it.”

“Is he testing to see if Santa is real?”

“I don’t think so,” said Olivia. “Otherwise why would he insist on seeing him in the store? Who, by the way, is the only Santa, according to Noah, because he comes in the parade. He said all the others are just elves that dress up like Santa and report back to him.”

The two women laughed, then Olivia added,

“I just hope this isn’t something I can’t figure out or fulfill. And why would he say something about Simon? He only met him that one time.”

“I don’t know. Maybe he’s picking up on your unresolved feelings about Simon’s death,” Amanda suggested.

“Now you sound like Dr. Lindstrom.”

“You were the one who said I should try therapy,” her detective shot back. “Must be working.”

On her end, Olivia just smiled and shook her head. 

Noah appeared to be satisfied after his visit with Santa, and didn’t bring it up again as the days grew shorter and his mother tried to balance work and final holiday preparations, along with fitting in a meeting with his teacher. The conference went well, with both parent and teacher in agreement that the boy needed additional enrichment and stimulation and that a charter school might be a good option, validating the opinion of the Santa from Macy’s, who, Olivia thought had looked like a retired schoolteacher himself. Noah’s teacher provided two recommendations; one of which was the same as the school on the card that had been in the SVU Captain’s coat pocket since the night at the department store.

Olivia stood in the office of the school recommended by both Noah’s teacher and Santa, waiting for the principal. It didn’t look much different than his current school but there was a different vibe. As she walked through the hallway, she’d heard music coming from one classroom, and a glimpse through the window in the door of another saw children at various stations around the room. Even the ones she passed where students were seated and listening to the teacher, they all had engaged expressions on their faces. None of them looked bored or uninterested in the lesson. Instinctively, Olivia felt like this might be a better fit for Noah.

“Ms. Benson?”

Olivia turned in the direction of the voice to see a familiar figure but one she hadn’t seen in several years.

“Mrs. Barba?”

“Lieutenant Benson!”

The older woman came closer and embraced her, then stepped back and held onto her arms, looking Olivia over. 

“You’re looking well, Lieutenant,” Lucia said.

“It’s Captain now, actually. And so are you, Mrs. Barba.”

“Captain? That’s quite a feather in your cap, isn’t it?” Then she waved her hand at the return compliment. “Ah, you’re kind for saying so. But years are catching up with me.”

Olivia couldn’t have disagreed more. Other than a few more lines around her kind brown eyes, Lucia Barba didn’t look much different than she did the first time they’d met in the courthouse and the woman had told her she drove Rafael “a little crazy”. 

“So what can I do for you, Captain? I hope you’re not here on police business?”

“Please, call me Olivia. And no, I’m here to look at possibly sending my son, Noah, to school here.”

“He’s in school? He can’t be old enough to be in school!” Lucia exclaimed. “I remember when Rafi told me you adopted him.”

“He’s seven years old and in second grade,” Olivia confirmed with a smile. “But he’s complaining of being bored at school, so his teacher suggested I look into a charter school and this one was recommended by both her and a friend of yours.”

The older woman linked her arm through Olivia’s and led her into the hallway. 

“Let me give you a tour. Who was this friend of mine?” she asked.

Olivia laughed.

“I don’t actually know his name. He’s playing Santa at Macy’s right now. Blue eyes, real white beard. He gave me your card.”

Lucia shook her head.

“I can’t think of who that might be off the top of my head, but I give my cards to a lot of people.”

Olivia nodded. She did the same thing.

Lucia gave Olivia the full tour of the school, just as she did with every prospective parent and the captain couldn't deny it seemed like a better fit for Noah. She was ready to ask if she could bring the boy for a visit as they returned to the main office when the words stuck in her throat. Bent over a desk was a man wearing jeans, a white shirt with the sleeves turned back to his elbows and a vest. Olivia knew immediately who it was. She had looked at the stripes on the back of that vest so many times, admiring the broad shoulders beneath it and wondering if they were maroon and dark brown or maroon and charcoal gray. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest as her eyes lingered over his form.

"Rafi! What are you doing here?" exclaimed Lucia. 

The man straightened and spun gracefully on his heel, speaking as his did.

“Five days before Christmas and your Civics teacher breaks his ankle trying out snowshoes. On carpet. So I’m here to sub. Didn’t anyone…...” 

Rafael Barba’s voice trailed off when he saw the woman standing beside his mother. He recovered, although his voice cracked slightly on the last word.

“Tell you?”

“Yes, yes, that’s right. I’d forgotten you were coming in today.”

Lucia Barba looked between her son and his former coworker; the woman he hadn’t seen in 683 days, if the small number he wrote on his desk blotter calendar was to be believed. For the longest time she didn’t realize what those little consecutive numbers were that appeared every day. Then in February, when he made an off handed comment about how long it had been since he left the District Attorney’s office, his mother put the two things together.

Barba couldn’t take his eyes off of Olivia.

Over her arm she held the same winter coat he’d seen her in more times than he could remember and she wore her usual work attire: black pants and blazer, although beneath the blazer she had on a soft looking green sweater. In the v neck a pendant lay against her skin he hadn’t seen before and he wondered fleetingly if someone gave it to her or she bought it for herself. The badge at her waist caught his eye. It was different.

“Captain Benson was just getting the tour,” Lucia told him with a smile, since neither one of them seemed to be able to speak. “She’s considering sending her son here.”

Captain? She finally did it, he thought, meeting her eyes. Then he smiled before wetting his lips and finding his voice again.

“Congratulations, Liv.”

He got no return smile. Her brown eyes were burning with controlled anger although it wasn’t reflected anywhere on her face. Olivia’s gaze traveled from his shoes up over the jeans she had rarely seen him wear in the years they worked together, the familiar vest and shirtsleeves, skimming over the bare forearms she’d looked at so many times, to the beard and mustache he now sported and more casual hairstyle, all of which held more gray than she expected, but was surprised to find it suited him.

“Nice to see you’re still getting some use out of your suits, Barba.”

Then she looked at the woman beside her, her voice softening.

“Thank you very much for the tour, Lucia. I’ll be in touch about bringing Noah to visit," Olivia said. 

She turned and left the room, leaving the two Barbas looking at each other. Olivia's heels echoed as she strode quickly toward the exit, the sound matching the pounding of her heart. Pushing the door open, she stepped out into the cold air and paused, taking gulping breaths. Back in the school office, Lucia looked her son, who had taken a step backward at Olivia’s sharp words and was leaning limply against the desk he’d been bent over minutes before. Olivia Benson was the last person he expected to see at the school at which he occasionally taught and where he had served on the board of directors for the last year and helped with funding efforts.

“I’m guessing that means she didn’t know you were still in the city?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, we haven’t spoken --”

“In 683 days. Yes, I finally figured out what you were keeping track of on your desk calendar. So are you really going to let her walk away?”

He said nothing. Lucia folded her arms across her chest and fixed her son with a look.

“Rafael Barba, do you think I don’t know how you feel about Olivia -- have felt about her for years? I know you did what you needed to do; quitting the DA’s office, but you didn’t have to leave her behind too.”

Then she reached out and took the papers he’d been holding.

“Go. She can’t have gotten very far. I’ll take the class.”

Rafael found his voice for the second time and kissed his mother on the cheek.

“You’re right. Thank you.”

“I know. And you’re welcome.”

He grabbed his coat from the nearby coat rack and sprinted down the hall toward the same exit Olivia had gone out, and burst through the doors, coming to an abrupt halt when he didn’t see her there. Barba mentally kicked himself. Had he really expected her to be standing on the other side of the doors, waiting for him? But part of him had. His gaze swept the small fenced area outside the school where the children played in good weather and his heart stuttered when he saw a familiar figure on a bench. Olivia was hunched over her arms crossed in front of her, still holding her coat. He saw her shoulders move; from either cold or because she was crying he couldn’t tell. Before he could think twice, Rafael was down the stairs and across the playground. He didn’t speak until he was standing in front of her.

“Liv.”

If she heard him, Olivia gave no indication, so he crouched down in front of her, like he would one of the children.

“Liv,” he said again, reaching out to gently touch her arm.

She pulled away and raised her head.

“You’ve been here the whole time?” she asked hoarsely, her voice thick with unshed tears.

He nodded guiltily.

“Almost two years,” she said fiercely. “Almost two fucking years, Rafa! I thought you had dropped off the face of the earth and you were here all along?”

Her use of the nickname that only she used brought a lump to his own throat.

“Mostly, anyway. I went away for a little while,” Rafael replied. He shrugged and spoke again. “But this is my home. I couldn’t leave it.”

“You left me.”

The three words were said so quietly he almost missed them. But he didn’t miss her violent shiver.

“Liv, you must be freezing. Put your coat on.”

She let him tug it from her grasp and stand up to hold it out for her to slip her arms into. It bunched up behind her on the bench and she stood to button and belt it. Face to face for the first time since that fateful February day, Rafael reached out and took her hands in his. She didn’t pull away.

“I’m sorry.”

Before she could reply her phone rang. Removing one hand from his grasp, she took it out and answered.

“Benson. Yes, I’m done. I’ll be right there. Thanks, Fin.”

Pocketing the device, she met his eyes. They weren’t as angry as earlier, but were still serious.

“Work,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes. Trying to get things wrapped up before the holidays.”

She didn’t offer him any details and he didn’t ask. That wasn’t his life anymore.

“We need to talk,” he said, not wanting to let her leave, but knowing he had to.

Olivia nodded. She had more than a few things she wanted to say to the former ADA. She thought for a moment and then said,

“Carisi is taking the kids Christmas shopping tonight, so Noah won’t be around if you want to stop over.”

She didn’t want the boy to see him again until the two of them had ironed out their differences. His questions about his Uncle Rafa had dwindled to once a month or so, when something reminded him of the man. At first, he asked at least once a week where he had gone and when he was coming back.

“What time?” Rafael tried not to sound too eager. But if she had said 2 a.m. at the top of the Empire State Building he’d have agreed.

“He’s picking Noah up around 5:00. I might not be home by then. Is six okay?”

“I’ll be there.” 

She didn’t say, so he presumed they were in the same apartment.

Olivia looked down where he was still holding her other hand and then offered him a small smile.

“I’ll see you later, then.”

He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles and released her.

“Later.”

It was 5:45 when Olivia rushed through her apartment door. She had hoped to leave the precinct by at least 5:15 but it was pushing half past by the time she finally closed her office door and wished Fin and Kat Merry Christmas. Amanda had already gone with Carisi when he showed up and went with him to her place to get her girls before picking up Noah. She was going to dinner with him and the kids before returning home to wrap presents while he took them to choose gifts for their respective mothers. Amanda told her he had volunteered and she wasn’t going to say no to any time alone before Christmas.

Olivia had had a hard time concentrating after returning to work. Rafael Barba was the last person she expected to encounter at a prospective school for Noah, and a chance encounter wasn’t the way she had envisioned finally seeing him again. She’d hoped for some advance notice. Like Carisi telling her Barba had returned to the DA’s office, or getting a phone call or an email. Something to give her a chance to emotionally prepare herself. She shrugged out of her blazer, unzipped and kicked off her boots, and shimmied out of her work pants. She liked the sweater she’d put on that morning, so she left that on and pulled on a pair of comfortable jeans. A quick tooth brushing and freshening of makeup and Olivia was pulling a brush through her hair when she heard a knock at the door. She pressed a hand to her stomach to quell the sudden flight of butterflies and took a breath before walking down the hall.

Rafael was feeling the same nerves on the other side of her door. He’d stood there so many times before, but this was different. All those other times he was welcome; he’d been there as a colleague and then as a friend. Now he was there to see if he had burned all the bridges between them. The door swung open and for a moment they took each other in, just as they had after Noah’s rescue from Sheila. His coat was open, revealing he still wore the clothes she’d seen him in earlier, less the tie. Olivia spoke first, stepping back to let him in.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

He walked past her to the kitchen bar where he put the takeout bag he carried.

“I brought dinner.”

Olivia smiled as she closed the door. That was the Rafael she remembered. Thinking with his stomach. She joined him to inspect the containers he was unpacking. He remembered all her favorites from the Cuban place he’d introduced her to years before. She put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze before moving to get plates and utensils. It felt like old times. Only it wasn’t. Before, they would have settled on the couch, each in their own corner, sharing bites from the other’s plate as they ate and talked. Now, Olivia sat down on one of the tall stools and Rafael perched stiffly on another. He popped a plantain chip in his mouth but it felt like he was chewing cardboard. She picked at the rice and beans on her plate with her fork.

“Liv.”

“Rafa.”

They spoke simultaneously. Then she continued after he inclined his head for her to go first.

“Why?”

He chuckled.

“That’s a broad question. But I owe you a few answers.”

As he talked, their familiarity returned, along with their appetites. Before long, they had moved to the couch. Rafael explained that when he was found not guilty of the charges brought against him by Jack McCoy, he felt like he had been given a second chance. That day outside the courthouse when he told her she’d changed him, he was trying to tell her that. So when he said he needed to move on, he meant from law, not her.

“Why didn’t you say so?” Olivia asked.

“I thought you knew,” he admitted. “But then you didn’t say anything, so I thought --” 

Rafael paused, putting his food on the coffee table while he chose his words carefully.

“I thought I had let you down.”

“Let me down? Why? Because you needed a breather from a career that was sucking the joy from your life?”

Olivia put her own plate down grasped his forearm with both hands at the quizzical look on his face.

“Yes, I saw it. How could I not? I saw what those last few months -- those cases -- were doing to you. I could see it in your eyes, your body language. You were carrying a huge weight on you. You weren’t happy.”

He closed his eyes then, for a moment, and reopened them to meet hers.

“I was happy when I was with you. But because you didn’t try and stop me from leaving, I thought if you couldn’t have me as an ADA, you didn’t want me,” Rafael said softly. 

“Stop you? You were the one who walked away from me, remember? As for wanting you, I’ve always wanted you, Rafael. When you said you were quitting the DA’s office I thought we could finally admit our feelings for each other, because we wouldn’t be working together. Because we wouldn’t have to worry about a conflict of interest. What did you think I wanted you to say when I said ‘And?’ I wanted you to tell me how you felt!”

Olivia had been leaning closer to him as she spoke and almost shouted the last two sentences, her brown eyes flashing with emotion.

Rafael quickly moved the arm she didn’t have hold of, put his hand at the back of her neck did what he’d wanted to do for years: kissed her. She was surprised at first, her eyes opening wide, but then they slid closed and she gave herself up to the sensation of his lips against hers for the first time. They were warm and firm and his mustache tickled just enough to make her shiver with delight. He ended the kiss and began to pull away but Olivia moved one of her hands to cup his jaw and initiated a second one. Rafael wanted to put his arms around her but they were seated awkwardly on the couch. He began to shift so he could pull her against him when she suddenly pulled away. 

“What’s wrong?”

Before the words were out, he heard the apartment door open and Noah call,

“Mom, we’re home!”

Olivia sprang to her feet, hoping her lips didn’t look as thoroughly kissed as they felt. Rafael stood as well, discreetly adjusting his jeans. A few more minutes and he’d have needed to stay seated. Then he reached out and gently brushed a thumb over her bottom lip. That and the heated look in his eyes confirmed her suspicions and never had she been less happy to see her son, she thought, smiling at the man beside her before stepping toward the hallway to greet Noah and her former detective. The boy came running into the main room, the tall ADA following, carrying a shopping bag containing wrapped packages. Noah skidded to a halt when he saw Rafael and his eyes lit up.

“Uncle Rafa!” he cried and flung himself at the man, throwing his arms around his waist for an exuberant hug. Then he turned around and spoke to the other man who was looking between Olivia and Rafael with a mixture of surprise and amusement.

“Uncle Sonny, Santa was right! He told me he was sure I’d get what I wanted for Christmas!”

Then he looked at his mother with a huge smile on his face.

“We went to see Santa again because Jesse didn’t see the real Santa and he told me he was sure I was going to get what I wanted for Christmas as long as I was good. But I thought I’d have to wait until Christmas or maybe after.”

“I’m just gonna’ see myself out,” said Carisi, putting the bag on a nearby chair. “Good to see you, counselor.”

Rafael lifted his chin and smiled at the other man.

“Thanks, but I think I’m the one who should be calling you counselor now.”

“You’ll always be counselor to me, Rafael,” he replied. “See ya’ later, Liv.”

“Bye, Carisi. Thanks again.”

Once the apartment door closed, Olivia turned to Noah, who had removed his arms from around Rafael’s waist but was still gazing at the man with a mixture of happiness and awe.

“Noah, what do you mean you got what you wanted for Christmas? Christmas is still a few days away,” she said.

“I told Santa I wanted to see Uncle Rafa again. I missed him and I know you did too,” the boy explained. “Your face got sad when you talked about him.”

Then he addressed Rafael.

“Are you back now? Where have you been? Will we get to see you more?”

As she listened to her son talk, something that had puzzled her finally made sense. If he told Santa in the store that he wanted to see his Uncle again, the man would have naturally assumed he was talking about her brother. Olivia glanced at Rafael who looked slightly panicked about answering Noah’s questions. She rescued him momentarily by sending the boy to put on his pajamas.

“He won’t take too long,” she said. “Do you want to answer him or should I and you can jump in where you want?”

She picked up their plates and carried them to the kitchen. Rafael followed her. After a quick glance down the hall to make sure Noah wasn’t returning yet, he put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. Olivia’s eyes fluttered closed at the feel of his strong embrace and slid her own hands around his back.

“As long as you tell him he’s going to be seeing me a lot more, I don’t care what else you tell him,” Rafael said softly in her ear.

Then he pressed his lips to hers in a lingering kiss and she opened her eyes to gaze into his green ones.

“How about if I just tell him that there really is a Santa Claus?”


End file.
